Embracing Imperfection: The Entrepreneurial Journey Within. A Conversation with Ben Albert. (Epi. #194)

GUEST BIO
Ben is the owner of Balbert Marketing LLC.  He is also the curator of The “Real Business Connections Network,” where he hosts five podcasts.  Once an underdog, now a successful entrepreneur, Ben is passionate about helping other underdogs achieve their dreams.  Ben is on a mission to actually move the needle on one million lives, one conversation at a time.

Summary:

Are you ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth? In this enlightening conversation, I sit down with Ben Albert, a remarkable entrepreneur who transformed from an underdog to a successful business owner. Ben's story is not just about professional success; it's a testament to the power of mindset and personal evolution.

Ben shares his inspiring journey from corporate burnout to entrepreneurial triumph, offering valuable insights on overcoming challenges and embracing change. We explore the delicate balance between structure and spontaneity in business and life, drawing parallels to the world of music and improvisation.

Key Takeaways from Our Conversation:

• The importance of admitting when you need help and making necessary changes
• Why visualization alone isn't enough - action is crucial for success
• How to balance structure and spontaneity in your personal and professional life
• The power of being p

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Transcript

• 00:0003
   Hey, Ben. So excited to have you here today.
• 00:00:06
   I'm excited to be here. Let's have some fun.
• 00:00:09
   Awesome. Well, before we get started, I wanted to take a moment just to introduce you to my viewers or audience. And again, like I said, I am just so excited that you're here. But first, let's do this quick introduction. Ben is the owner of Balbert Marketing, LLC and the powerhouse behind the real business Connection network, where he hosts six amazing programs. Learnspeak, teach, rock. I'm going to mispronounce this Rochester business connection. Five minute Friday. Ben's bytes, which I do subscribe to, real hits and Ab two circumental lunch break live. Did I get all those right so far?
• 00:00:57
   It's a squared sign. So it's. There's two B's. It's Andrew, Ben, Brandon, Christine. So it's b squared.
• 00:01:04
   B squared. Okay. And then, once an underdog, Ben has transformed into a successful entrepreneur who's passionate about helping other underdogs achieve their dreams. And what's truly amazing about you, Ben, is that you're on a mission to move the needle. 1 million lives a time, one conversation a time. So I'm thrilled to have you here. And to kick off our conversation, the first thing I want to ask you is if you could go back and give advice to the underdog version of yourself, what would you say? To keep or to help that soul?
• 00:01:49
   Yeah. First and foremost. Well, thanks for having me here. This is going to be kick butt. What's coming to mind, this isn't. What I would say is I need to shorten up that bio because there's so many words and so many definitions, and at the end of the day, I'm just an ordinary dude who was cut from a corporate career and became an accidental entrepreneur. And now that's my life, and I'm sticking to it. So if I were to look at the. Let's say I've been an underdog many places in life, and one thing I found, I like to joke, I went to zero to hero and in under under a year because I got let go, broke, unemployed COVID pandemic to replacing my sales executive income in a year. But we all have our zeros. We all have our underdog moments. Like, moments where we're having trouble leveling up. I know we talked about this before we jumped on, but, like, the temperature starts to get hot, and then we turn the thermostat down, the needle starts to move, and then we get afraid and we move it back. It doesn't matter. Like, new level, new devil. We all have underground moments, underdog moments, throughout our life. So if I were to maybe give advice to corporate Ben, who hadn't been let go yet, who, honestly, was self prescribing anti anxiety meds, Xanax every Monday morning to get through meetings because I was out late partying, I had a drinking problem. I would party all weekend, show up Monday, prescribe medication just to get through the meetings. And if someone asked me how I was doing, I'd be like, I'm doing great. I'm literally in the building, 14th floor of a building that's in photos of my city, of Rochester. Great view of the city, gorgeous lights on my building at night, suit and tie. I've made it, but clearly I hadn't made it. There is a huge block. And I guess the advice I would give to that person is, don't settle. Because I knew I was coping like, I knew I was drinking. I knew that a lot of the. I'm not gonna. I don't wanna put anybody on blast, but a lot of the leadership and the ethics in the company weren't the best. I knew that I was destroying my body and my relationships, and I did it anyways because I was afraid to look myself in the eye and admit that I had a problem. So I guess the true advice is don't be afraid to admit you need help to hold yourself accountable and make some changes. Where I said I was an accidental entrepreneur, it was literally because I got let go that I was thrust into entrepreneurship. But guess what? You don't have to get let go to get thrust into a new chapter in your life. So now I'm thrusting myself into new chapters willingly all the time without the world forcing me into it. So I guess that's advice that, honestly, I'm still learning about to this day. I don't have it all figured out.
• 00:05:01
   That is so powerful, though. And this, the topic in general that I wanted to go deeper with you is about mindset. And sounds like you really have had to have layers of, I would say, self discovery or awareness to come to this place where you're understanding your own mindset. And it's a journey, I think. But what I wanted to ask you is, in terms of mindset, what's the most ridiculous advice you've ever heard or suggestion?
• 00:05:34
   Ridiculous mindset advice. I'm sorry if this triggers anyone or is against anything that someone else has said, because I don't think it's terrible advice. I just think that it's broad stroked too much at the core of the concept of the law of attraction, that I have a vision board and I dream about it and it comes true. I think that's a great starting point, to have goals, to have vision, to step into the emotion of being that future self today. But people forget the action end of things. People forget the daily habits. I say, I'm good enough now and I'm only getting better, and I'm going to be and become simultaneously. If you want to become somebody, you need to be that person. Now. You can be and become simultaneously. But again, this might go against what a lot of people say. I don't think you can just visualize it. I think you need to create it. You can co create it with the visualization, you can co create it with your higher power. You can co create it with friends and mentors, but you can't just sit in the corner and imagine it. People talk about people that meditate 12 hours a day. And I love meditating, but I'm like, how can I get anything done if I'm just meditating? Maybe I'm too stuck in the rationale, but it's like there's a co creation of action and visualization energy, this or that. So I think the bad advice is not to give someone the full picture and just sell them on the dream without getting them the tools necessary to make that dream a reality.
• 00:07:14
   I couldn't agree more. And again, I'm for the vision board or doing certain things, but that can be a piece of advice that doesn't allow you to understand the how. But when you use the word co create, it allows you to believe and know that it's your, I would say, mindset is your will that will put things into action. Now, before we hit record, this actually ties back to this topic, but we were talking about energy and inner alignment, and you had this great point, and I want you to go ahead and elaborate. If you recall what we were discussing, I think it was about how the inner work is just as important.
• 00:08:02
   Yeah, I don't know exactly what I said. I have learned. So there's two areas of thought that are really interesting, and neither of them are bad. These are just generalized examples. I look at a Tony Robbins. He's very methodical. If you listen to enough Tony Robbins, he tells a lot of the same stories. He has a structure to his way of thinking. He has a structure to his way of teaching. Then Russell Brand, the actor, I don't agree with all his points, but if you watch him in interviews, and if you watch him speak there. It is crystal clear that he's a trillion percent live in the moment. You don't know what's going to come out of his mouth next. You don't know what's going to happen next. He is completely present. He is completely like his. His armor is gone, his guard is down. He is just completely present in the moment. And I like both of those strategies. Having a strategy to implement, be effective, be concise, be a strong leader, but also that pure, like, uninhibited like that. That ability to just be present in your energy in the moment, I think is crucial. And it's key not just to, like, success as a business person or as an entrepreneur, just like, enjoyment of life. I struggle with this. I'm very caught in my head sometimes. I very much, like, slow myself down because I'm having inner thoughts that create these roadblocks that I'm like, what do I say? What do I do, this or that? And I get, in my own way, I love Tony Robbins and I love formulaic thinking to reach success. But I also have been easing into this energy thing, which I'm not an expert at, that. If I'm just present, if I'm just trusting, even if I feel like a feather in the wind or I'm just in motion with the ocean, I trust the process and I enjoy the crap out of it. Things seem to work out for me. It's hard for me to explain. Things seem to fall on my lap the way they were meant to.
• 00:10:12
   It's so absolutely true. It's like I'm conflicted because I am so cerebral at times. So it's like I hold on and hold on so tight, then I get so worked up. And then the process of meditation, which creates awareness, which then the voice in my head will say, shelter, are you going there again? You're getting too caught up in the head. You're getting too worked up. Just breathe and trust the process. So you know what? Both have their places. I love structure, and I like the idea that you have some formula that allows you to know what comes next. But it's also good to go inside and start listening to the intuition because it's probably more powerful than all the formulas.
• 00:11:01
   This is a moderate digression, but I think it's a great example I mentioned prior to this conversation. I'm like a big music addict. And one thing that's fantastic about some of the greatest live bands, especially bands that improvise, is they understand music, they understand the song they've collaborated with the other musicians on stage. So there's chemistry there, so they can make risks on the spot that actually aren't that risky because they know what they're doing. They have the chops. They can go on and solo and improvise and play something that they've never done before because they've prepared for that moment. So if we can kind of partner the skillset and the preparation with the. Let's just be present. Let's look into the audience. Let's listen to what's around us and do what feels right in the moment. As, again, I'm a big music nerd. Some of the best concerts, it's not just the band on stage. It's that dancing flirtation between the band and the audience together that makes it so special.
• 00:12:08
   Absolutely. It's a symphony. I would say that. You know what I mean? Like, when you're in the moment again, going back to being present and listening to music, you're there, and there's this energy. Like, we were just at a spoon concert, and every time we go to concerts in my family, I find myself just so inspired. Like, I can be all locked in my head. Especially because of COVID we weren't going to concerts as much. But recently, I found myself at a concert, and I'm like, man, I can do anything. I can do it. It makes you feel that way, doesn't it?
• 00:12:48
   You ever start dancing and you're like, who is this person? I never dance like this.
• 00:12:53
   Absolutely. But I guess going back to your point is just that. That's the metaphor for allowing yourself to. Letting the process unfold.
• 00:13:06
   Yeah. Or freeing yourself from it being perfect and allowing it to be what it is as it is, even if it's imperfect, just allowing it to happen and it just enjoying it, too. Like, we could do this metaphor all day, but sometimes you hit the wrong note, and guess who notices? Nobody but you.
• 00:13:32
   It's so true. And this is really relevant to entrepreneurship, because before I had recorded, I was telling you, I'm writing a course. And I'm not kidding you just. It's like pure insanity. I probably spent hours to sell the title and, you know, iterating, iterating. And finally, when I think I got the right title, I'm in my head again going, but what about this? What about this? What about that? And then I finally put it out there in this little group I belong to, and somebody immediately just didn't get what I was trying to say, the title, and changed all the words and said, what about this? I'm like, no. At some point, you have to allow yourself to even know. It may be imperfect, but keep moving forward.
• 00:14:24
   I do one of two things. The first isn't the best advice. It's just me being creative. I either just make a decision whether or not anybody's going to like it, and I just name it something, or what I recommend is come up with a few ideas and just survey your people and just let them choose. It's really simple. This is a side point, but I'm planning on starting my own mastermind within the mastermind. So I have a community, and I want to set up cohorts. I had three ideas for cohorts. I had my favorite. I did a poll asking people what topics they were interested in. My favorite came in last place by a landslide. And I still kind of want to do it anyways because I feel I could make it work. But I'm going to start with the winner, because the winner is what the community asked for. So I'm going to give them what they want and not be so attached to what Ben wants. The best way to serve is to do it in a collaboration, where you give people what they want and need, not just try to, like, shove your ideas down their throat. I had an idea of what I wanted to do. I probably won't do it because the people ask for something different, and that's. That's fair enough, you know?
• 00:15:32
   Yeah, absolutely. There is a balance to that, and probably that's another whole topic about mindset and having the mindset of this is kind of came to me, but, like, the growth mindset is that you're allowing yourself to release the attachment because the ego's there. And sometimes the ego wants to say no. Well, I know what the idea is. I know what's going to fly. But then the people are the survey or the testimony.
• 00:16:08
   Have you ever met, like a. Have you ever met a 30 year old who's attached to the mindset of being 13? It's not a good thing. Like, as we grow, as we develop, we will change, we will evolve. If you're a 30 year old who has the mindset of a 13 year old, we lend you grace, but we need to evolve into maybe even the mindset of an 80 year old at a young age. And then you're like a Zen guru. That'd be fun.
• 00:16:35
   Yeah. And, well, and here is the irony in that, is that in some famous song is coming to my mind about it. But we can sometimes get so caught up in life where we forget what it means to be childlike or playful, and there's a balance there. Yes. Having the Zen wisdom of an eight year old, but still being playful at.
• 00:17:04
   Heart, well, you can have the mindset of a Zen leader, but then still have the goofiness of a kid. I don't think that's any negative thing on your mindset. It's just a different, if anything, that childlike wisdom we have at a young age, that part of us can lay doormen, and we work on all these other things that are beneficial. They're not mutually exclusive. That you can't be good at business and not childlike. You can't be childlike at Badlandhouse. They're not mutually excusive, but we forget about that childlike wisdom.
• 00:17:41
   Yeah, I think that's the term that I think I'm going to hold on to more often now. It's like the childlike wisdom, and there's something to be said about that and how it will affect your ability to maybe thrive as an entrepreneur, because as an entrepreneur, there's just a lot of creativity. Now, speaking of creativity, you've got a five things going on, five projects, and then some other things going on. That's creativity. Tell me about what keeps you going.
• 00:18:12
   Yeah, I mean, I just like doing stuff. I don't have, like, a perfect, beautiful answer to this at the end of the day. Like, I started with a Rochester, New York business podcast. Because I'm from Rochester, New York, I wanted. I was learning from mentors from everywhere in the world. So I did want to pivot and rebrand to something more global or international. So I started a international show. I like talking for an hour straight with somebody, but a lot of people only consume podcasts that are, like, 20 minutes or less. It's about the average drive time. So I started 15 minutes Friday. It was at 1.5 minutes Friday. Now it's 15 minutes Friday, because you can't. For me, like, five minutes. This isn't long enough. Unless I do a Ben's bytes episode, which is just me, for five minutes. But there's 15 minutes Friday, there's Ben's bytes, which is just me. There's local to my community, there's international, there's panel discussions. Now, in my mastermind, we have guest speakers. We do ask me anythings. I've been redistributing those ask me anythings that at one point were only exclusive to my community on a podcast. So really, it's just like different. Different flavors at a buffet. It's. Here are all your options, and if you don't like any of these. You're not a patron to come hang out here. And that's quite all right. But I like to give different options for different listeners based on their consuming experience, based on their location, based on how the kind of podcasts they like. And I think it's working out. We're trying. And if it's not working out, who cares? Because I love doing it.
• 00:19:54
   So anyways, I like that mindset because I am the same way when it comes to my own content. Before we hit record, you were asking me a little bit about my audience and how I went about it. And here's the irony, that I actually started in technology where doing Personas and avatars was the thing. But when I jumped into the creative aspect of creating omni mindfulness, it was all pure heart. Like this. This is where. This is who I am. And then hopefully I'll start conforming to what other people want and need.
• 00:20:31
   Yeah, well, that's the quora. It's like wherever you go, who you are, the listeners will, it's possible and probable someone found this show because I shared it, but they're not going to stay. Cause I was here. They're going to stay for you and your frequent listeners. They subscribe for the host, not just for the guest. So you don't want to adapt and become someone you're not. You want to bring yourself to the conversation, yourself to the show, because, again, your listeners, your audience, it doesn't have to just be a podcast. The people that follow you and care for you are coming back time and time again for you. So if you show up as someone you're not, that's freaking exhausting. So I just think keep showing up as you. I think you're doing an amazing job.
• 00:21:19
   Oh, Ben, that. That means so much. It really, really does. I. I put so much heart and soul into this. And the guests I bring on, they, um, I think they mirror who I am in the sense that I try to bring people who I'd like to hang out with, have a coffee with, and say, let's have a conversation about, you know, this topic, in this case, generally mindset. And let's see. Hopefully we can inspire, or like you say, move the needle for one person out there. And when you say move the needle, is it just for entrepreneurs or anyone that's listening?
• 00:21:56
   That's a good question. I don't get to choose. I don't get to choose what moves the needle. I don't know what a light bulb moment looks like for someone because I'm not in their shoes. The best you and I can do is to show up willing to just pour into everyone we meet, pour into this episode, add as much value as possible, overfill the glass, and we don't know who needs what, when, or why. A lot of your listeners could be, like, thriving but thriving entrepreneurs. They could be, you know, just a woman starting up and listening this podcast to kind of give a little bit of resource and support on their first month, week, year. They could be some dude like Ben that we didn't even try to target, but they love listening to the show. I don't actually know. I do know this from consuming podcasts, from learning from brilliant people. I'll hear something 910 times and it won't resonate. And then one time, it's literally like, it's not anything that I haven't heard before. It'll just suddenly click. You'll just have that aha moment. You'll have that needle move. Now we can move needles. We can create light bulb aha moments. The next step is integrating, wow, I just had a light bulb moment. Let's integrate this. Let's go do something about it. And that's truly what moves the needle. So I'm giving a lot of analogies, but it's like a ripple in the ocean. You can create that first ripple, that first wave. You're never going to see where it goes. But if you trust the process and you trust the person that the wave you created, the person you helped, they can take that, become billionaires. They can take that and impact millions of lives. Maybe they just take it and say, I'm going to be a better wife today. I'm going to be a better son. I'm going to call my grandma. Cause literally, I'm, like, thinking out loud, I'm gonna call my grandma. Cause I haven't talked to her in six months. Like, stuff like that. But I don't know when the needle is gonna move. I just hope it does.
• 00:24:09
   Yes. And, you know, to put that in perspective, like, you were using a metaphor earlier, one of the things that I remember, what the needle moved for. Someone is one of my cousins. He listens to my podcast. He might hear this episode one day. And I had a guest who inspires people to do more artwork. And when he listened to that, he retired recently and he started painting, and he would send me pictures of his painting while he's on a cruise. And I thought, that is so cool. I mean, we're all entrepreneurs in our mind, whether or not we still work in corporate Orlando. Not really have a business per se, but we're still creators.
• 00:24:54
   Can I flip the script on you for a moment?
• 00:24:57
   Yeah.
• 00:24:57
   Because you've had some incredible guests on the show, and when you think back, what have some of those aha. Or needle moving moments been for you as the host? You get to be the host and the consumer simultaneously. Does anything come to mind?
• 00:25:16
   Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Well, just to kind of admit one thing is that one of the reasons I bring in the guests I want to bring in is because I want to learn from them. I consider myself constantly learning, and as I mentioned earlier, they're the four pillars. So I bring in people, I'm like, you know, they can probably help me in this little area of my life because they're good at that. And so there's been multiple guests. I would say almost everyone I always, like, learn something from, but multiple guests where they will leave me with something. And if I need to heal in some area of my life, the healing occurs. Or if I need to be inspired. Like, I had a qigong instructor one time, and, you know, I didn't go off and start doing Chu Yi Gong every day, but I still understood on it on a deeper level the impact of energy and how that movement of our body and how important that is. So that's one of them. And then in another area, I would say people who are like, I had a guest on, and she was always my mentor. I've now known her for over 20 years. Friend, mentor. And she said something that stayed with me. Something about, you have to really get to know yourself to be an entrepreneur, and it's an ongoing journey. But what she said is she understood herself so well at a young age, she knew she was meant to be an entrepreneur.
• 00:26:54
   Wow.
• 00:26:55
   So those are little things that come to mind, but I can go on all day because I just love when I have these conversations with people. I learn from them.
• 00:27:05
   It sounds like we gotta go binge because we might have missed a couple episodes, and it sounds like there's a lot of good things in the catalog, my friend.
• 00:27:12
   Oh, gosh, yeah. No. Now that you've gotten me, we might have to have a second episode where I just tell you all the cool things that I've learned.
• 00:27:19
   I, um. You mentioned I'm so you're subscribed to Ben's bites? That's just my solo episodes. I haven't done one in a year. I don't know why it is. I just don't like being a talking head. That being said, a lot of times a listener want to hear more from you and about you. I don't know how often you do this, but I'd love to see you do a episode where you take the four pillars. Like, you take spirituality and energy, and you take your pillars and you apply some lessons learned from your guests to those pillars. I actually think people would eat that up and learn a lot from that solo episode. So I'm just thinking out loud. That's something I struggle with, showing up solo for my audience, but it's always beneficial because I want to get to know you better, and I presume a lot of audience might want to as well.
• 00:28:12
   That is a brilliant idea. So I don't know if you know this, if I've had this conversation with you, because I sometimes tell people things and I forget I just talked, but I made a promise to myself several months ago, it might have been like six months ago, that I'm going to start getting braver about talking solo. And if people that know me, they're like, she'll have no trouble talking. But suddenly, if I'm just talking on into the recording mic, I find myself stumped. I'm like, well, what do I have to say? Is it important? So I made this promise, and I literally found a way to force myself. It became a scientific experiment. Like, how can I take a topic and turn into something I can talk about without sounding stifled or scripted? And sadly, the several first few ones, if you go back, are where I cringe. I'm like, oh, gosh, I sound, like, very stifled and scripted. But it started to get easier, and I've done a few in the last three months, and they're all solo. In fact, I think month of August or before that was all solo. And I. The only one that people seem to like a lot is called journey. Am I talking about my journey of entrepreneurship? And people seem to like and got a lot of downloads? But, yeah, I love that idea. I'm gonna. I'm gonna do that. Awesome.
• 00:29:56
   Can I give a fun exercise that a friend of mine came up with?
• 00:30:00
   Yeah.
• 00:30:00
   So my friend Brendan Kumar, Asami Mastertalk, he came up with this, not Bentley, but just to give a quick analogy, it's like, to me, I see meditation as, like, bicep curls for the mind. I see nature as bicep curls for the spirit. And then an exercise like this is bicep curls for your public speaking, your communication. And it's just taking one word, a random word, and writing a 62nd keynote on it, on the spot of. And he just says, take one word or have someone choose for you. Do it with a friend. I actually go to, like, randomwordgenerator.com or google it. No affiliation. You just have it randomize a word, and then you come up with a minute long keynote on the spot. And for a year, I'm lying. I did it for, like, seven months. For seven months. I always liked to round up. For some reason, every morning I did a random word keynote, and generally I would just do it. Like, I would look up my word, jump in the shower, and then do a keynote in the shower. It doesn't make me a perfect speaker. Nothing in this exercise gives you the formula or tools to speak correctly in quotations, but it gets you comfortable speaking on the cuff. It gets you comfortable speaking on topics or words you don't know much about. And then when you can translate that bicep curls for your communication, translate that comfort to learning strategies, you can kick butt. So when you go into a podcast episode, when you go into a presentation, when you go into a sales pitch, when there's just. Maybe there's someone you think is cute and you want to go say hello, you're comfortable, and you never run out of things to say because you've said everything.
• 00:31:48
   I love it. So just. So I wrap my head around this, take a one. One word, one word. Let's say awareness.
• 00:31:57
   Yeah, but it's gotta be more ridiculous. Awareness is fine, but a lot of times it's like bananas or lotus or carpet, and it's like, how am I gonna make a cute keynote about carpet? We can talk about cleanliness. You can talk about all sorts of things, but, yes, awareness is fine, but ideally, it's a word that makes zero sense.
• 00:32:17
   Oh, yes. I like that. So let's say it was cat.
• 00:32:23
   Yeah. Yeah, that works.
• 00:32:25
   Yeah. So we just. We just got kittens. And I was telling you before we record, they're Luke and Leia from Star wars. So cats are fluffy, cats are soft. They can be naughty. Our cats are. Yeah, that's the point. Yeah, yeah.
• 00:32:45
   You just write a keynote. Maybe I'm overly, like, personal, growthy and ethereal, but I'd probably talk about, like, the exploration of the cat and how it represents something missing in humans. Their ability just to fall and get back up, their ability to sleep outside overnight and not complain the moment you. What? Like, I don't know. I'm making this up, but you could take this in so many different directions and kind of turn the cat into a metaphor for something bigger. If you were to ask me to write a keynote on carpets, I wouldn't know where to start. But I'd probably start with the fact carpets can get really dirty and you can't even tell. But then once it gets really gross, it starts to smell. Maybe there's cat pee on it. And then all the flaws come to the surface. And if we don't take out our trash daily, if we don't clean our carpet monthly, eventually it's going to smell like cat pee. So you could say, I don't know, I'm just making this up as we go. But that's the exercise.
• 00:33:44
   Well, if those that are watching this on YouTube, I couldn't stop giggling because we have two kittens. If you had a checklist, you can check off all the things that they do that are typical cat behavior. One of them was the kitten. One is a girl, one's a boy. Leah keeps coming into my office and sniffing the carpet and trying to lick the carpet.
• 00:34:12
   Okay, that's fun, I think.
• 00:34:14
   Oh, that's probably where I spilled the coffee.
• 00:34:17
   They smell it. It tastes good.
• 00:34:21
   Okay, Ben, I'm gonna have you back one day where we just pick a word and talk about it.
• 00:34:26
   Have Brendan on if you want. He's the king of it. He makes like the stupidest worlds words sound like he's like doing a keynote at some big conference. But yeah, I mean, it's just better in time. And there's no right or wrong. Like I, again, I like to get all personal growthy, but you could get sciencey, you could get sporty. You can compare cheetahs to athletes. Like, it's kind of up to you. It's. You get to choose your own adventure. The point is to practice in private, because what we do in the dark will be exposed when we come into the light of. A lot of people want the light on them, but they haven't done the dark work to be prepared to succeed in the light. So people that do really, really good when they're on the spot, it's because they practiced a lot when they weren't on the spot. It's really that simple.
• 00:35:22
   Yeah. I can't remember exactly who said this, but they had a suggestion where you take your camera, put it near a window seal, so the lights coming at you, you look into the camera. If you're like shy like me on camera, and you talk into the camera for 1 minute, similarly to what you were saying on some topic. And that's the work in the dark, so to speak. Because I'm not always great at talking publicly. Even though I have a podcast, I.
• 00:35:56
   Don'T like talking into a camera. I feel disconnected. I struggle with it even like you right now. I don't know if the eye contacts perfect, but I try to place the human being near the camera, but I'm not actually looking at the camera. The camera is angled. It's a whole, like, newscasters will stare straight into the camera. And to me, that's too void of emotion. It's not a skill set I have yet. I like to just have a conversation with a human. I think it's awkward. And the reason I say this is, like, we do this kind of stuff a lot, and we still struggle with it. So if someone feels awkward, that's normal. But you only get better by practicing and doing things that make you uncomfortable.
• 00:36:40
   Well, I'm glad you brought the reality of it, because, as I mentioned, if I go back to my first several podcasts, whether it was conversation or one on one, like meaning solo, oh, so awkward. And I cringe. And then I like, whenever somebody says, okay, you have a podcast. Can I tell me which episode to listen to? I'm like, not the first 200, actually.
• 00:37:04
   Don't listen to it at all.
• 00:37:08
   That is so cool. But, you know, like, going. Coming back full circle as we wrap up. I think what I like you saying just a moment ago is about the work we do in the dark. I don't know if there's a better way to express it, but meditation is something that I do daily, and it can be considered the work in the dark. It can be uncomfortable. I was raised with meditation. My parents are hindu, and so it was something that was part of the lifestyle, but it wasn't until I went through some traumatic things. And then I decided, I'm going to become a meditation life coach, because I was inspired by a woman who left corporate and left a high paying job to go off through Asia, learn everything, and start her own meditation school. So my point is, is that meditation and other modalities, they can be considered the work in the dark because you're going inside and meeting yourself.
• 00:38:19
   And it's interesting because I couldn't agree more. I gave an example of practicing public speaking in the dark. So when you're communicating in the light, you're better at it. This is things that are also not externally understood, that can be more intuitive. We have a heart inside of us. We have a soul. We have certain body chemistry. We have certain energy levels. Something like meditation on the side, something like working out even lightly, or taking a walk in nature on the side. You might not ever show up and be asked to meditate and show that you're such a fantastic meditator. And they might not take brainwave scans, but when you're put in a high stress circumstance, you know how to regulate your breath, you know how to calm down, and you know how to be comfortable with that fidgety insecurity, that pain, that struggle. Maybe you've been listening to your body. You're aware of things where no one's ever going to be like, wow, what a great meditator you are just by the way you present yourself. But that's going to be a part of you in the light. So it's the stuff that, yes, tangible. Practice public speaking in the dark. You'll be better in the light. But also if you practice some of these more intangible things that make you a more holistic, mindful, powerful being. People might not know why. They'll intuitively feel it. They might not know why, but they'll see that you take care of yourself. They'll feel that you take care of yourself without you having to prove anything to them. I hope that makes sense. It's very ethereal. It's completely factual, though.
• 00:40:05
   Oh, I totally agree. Like, when I meditate, I feel like, do I want to be a better mom? Do I want to be a better wife? This is how to do it.
• 00:40:16
   Yeah.
• 00:40:21
   Right?
• 00:40:22
   Yeah. I like to get all complicated and shit. That's just like, the way to do it. Like, I want to be a better human being. This is how. And it might feel like it's taking a lot of time. It's not. It's literally filling me.
• 00:40:35
   I've said this. I know I can talk to you for another 10 hours, but I've said this before. When I worked in corporate, I often wished that it wasn't with a bunch of people talking over each other in the beginning or cutting them off or being political. What if we can all sit in silence for a minute? Of course, that just hasn't happened. That was always my desire.
• 00:40:59
   A kind of similar strategy that I recently learned that I've been doing in my mastermind is one thing we do is we do like a hot seat coaching once in a while, where someone brings a problem or a question to their group, and then the team in the group gets to serve as their board of directors, and that's what we do. But I learned this thing where before anyone gives advice, we have a section where anyone in the room can ask questions. So you bring a concern. Instead of me just diagnosing the problem without really going deep into it, we take a moment to ask clarifying questions, and it's that patience to be present and not over assume that patience to be curious and ask a layer deeper that'll actually get to the actual root problem. And then when you offer advice, you're coming from more of an empathetic, mindful place than, oh, she wants more money. Here's how to make more money. But what I didn't realize, because I didn't ask, is it's not that you want more money, it's just that you want more time with your children. We just didn't get there yet.
• 00:42:10
   Yeah. Getting to the essence of the why.
• 00:42:13
   Yes. Yeah.
• 00:42:15
   Yeah. That is really. It's deep, and yet that's what I'm trying to teach. But what I try to teach is what I'm trying to learn myself. So I'm my own student.
• 00:42:27
   I like to say a lot of the things I say are just been six months ago. Like, I'm teaching me six months ago. I'm not the smartest person on earth yet, I'll add yet, because maybe it's possible. But Ben, a year ago would be like, wow, this is good stuff. Ben, five years from now, will probably disagree with a lot of the things I said. And the point is to be constantly evolving, constantly learning, and not trying to teach the world everything, but just serving the person that possibly is just one step behind. Like, if all of us, no matter where we are in life, no matter how much money, what our family looks like, if we can just serve someone who's only just a step, or in some cases, ten steps behind, but serve someone who's just a little bit behind us, and if we can get them to where we are, that's a gift. That's a gift. And we might not be the person that can get them farther than us, but someone else can. But if we can get them just a few steps forward, and a lot of times, like, when I take a few steps, I get excited and I start running. So that's another thing. If we can get someone to start running, they'll do the work themselves, but we're not going to get anywhere if we're not moving in any direction.
• 00:43:45
   That is so profound. And I totally agree. Like, the shilpa that I am now, I definitely don't want to be, because I know I've got my flaws, but I, a year from now, hopefully a little more refined.
• 00:44:00
   Yeah, a little less flaws. You're still gonna have some, probably. I don't wanna. Yeah, I don't want to force that on you, but I don't know if we ever become flawless. That would be. Yeah.
• 00:44:11
   Well, somebody that's more of a guru type person. I was talking to him one time and he said something about always expanding. If we think of it energetically, we are all energy. We're all expanding.
• 00:44:27
   Are we ever contracting?
• 00:44:30
   Probably.
• 00:44:32
   I think he left out the disempowering thing, which is the reality that I think you can expand or contract.
• 00:44:38
   Yeah, you can.
• 00:44:40
   I wouldn't want to wish that upon someone. But some people are contracting and they don't realize that they have the capacity to expand.
• 00:44:48
   That's where awareness comes in. Yeah, agreed. Totally agreed.
• 00:44:54
   So I have, like, seven more hours. I don't know if I have eight.
• 00:44:56
   But I would love if you could come back one day because this was fun.
• 00:45:03
   Yeah.
• 00:45:04
   So, yeah. And hopefully. Well, you're talking about this whole umbrella topic was around mindset. But if you are interested, we could talk about spirituality one day, or mindfulness, or energy awareness.
• 00:45:21
   We can talk about whatever you want. Spirituality. I have no clue what I'm doing. I feel like a feather in the wind half the time. I probably could get mentored by you, but if you ever want someone who's just going to tell shit the way that it's happening and not sugarcoat it and just be honest, like, pick a topic and I'll talk to you any day. Unless it's like, ballerina or. There's some things I don't know much about. I do like watching figure skating, but I always seem to hurt myself when I fall, so certain topics aren't the best route. But we can try.
• 00:45:55
   Or cats.
• 00:45:56
   Cats. You know, I don't have any cats. I'm more of a dog person.
• 00:46:00
   We just got them. I'm learning. Yeah. Well, okay. Ben, I sincerely appreciate your presence here and thank you so much. And until we talk again, have a really great day.
• 00:46:18
   You as well. Appreciate the time.
• 00:46:21
   Thank you.