The Mindset of Habit Freedom with Anna Shiina (EPI.#253)

🎧 Episode 253 — The Mindset of Habit Freedom with Anna Shiina

As we step into a new year, many of us feel the pull to finally change the habits that no longer serve us.

But what if lasting change doesn’t begin with discipline or willpower —
 what if it begins with how we relate to ourselves in the present moment?

In this first conversational episode of 2026, Shilpa is joined by Anna Shiina, mindset coach and author of Habit Freedom, for a grounded and compassionate conversation about what truly supports sustainable habit change.

Together, they explore how awareness, nervous system safety, and self-relationship play a deeper role in shaping our daily choices — and why trying to “fix” habits often keeps us stuck in the same patterns.

Rather than pushing for transformation, this episode invites a gentler approach: noticing what’s happening beneath the habit, and allowing clarity to arise from presence.

✨ In This Episode, We Explore:

• Why habits are really about your relationship with yourself
• How stillness and presence interrupt unconscious cycles
• Why willpower alone rarely creates lasting change
• How compassion becomes a catalyst for freedom
• What it means to make conscious choices from present awareness

🧭 Reflection to Sit With:

What if freedom doesn’t begin with control — but with understanding?

💜 About Today’s Guest: Anna Shiina

Anna Shiina is a mindset coach and the author of Habit Freedom, where she guides individuals to build healthier, more compassionate relationships with themselves through awareness-based habit change. Her work focuses on creating sustainable transformation by aligning with how the nervous system and subconscious patterns actually function — rather than forcing change through pressure or self-judgment.

✨ Continue the Reflection

If this conversation resonates, you may enjoy exploring how you naturally pause, reset, and move through change.

The Pause With Purpose™ Compass Quiz is a short, reflective experience designed to help you recognize your default pause patterns — and where alignment may be asking fo

✨ Ever wonder what kind of clarity you need most right now?
 Take the free Pause Archetype™ Quiz — your personalized compass for clarity.
👉 quiz.omnimindfulness.com/pausewithpurpose

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 Take the free quiz today and unlock tools designed to fit your rhythm:
 👉 quiz.omnimindfulness.com/pausewithpurpose

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Transcript

Anna Shiina

[00:00:00] Anna Shiina: Welcome, Anna. How are you? I am sensational and super excited to be here today. Thank you for having me. 

[00:00:13] Shilpa: I am super excited to have you in moments before I hit record, we were talking about our mutual love for organization. 

[00:00:22] Anna Shiina: Yes. Well, anything that's unorganized isn't very, very valuable. It's only when ideas are organized and they can actually provide value in this world, and there are plenty of unorganized ideas.

[00:00:34] Anna Shiina: So the fact that you are so organized just speaks volumes. 

[00:00:40] Shilpa: Well, thank you. Um, I often say when there are piles around my office, and if somebody were to see it, they'd be like, oh, it's messy. But I always say my messiness has, my chaos has meaning to me 'cause I know what's going on, where it's headed. 

[00:00:56] Anna Shiina: Yes, yes.

[00:00:57] Anna Shiina: As long, I mean, messy and tidy [00:01:00] is different to different people. So we all live on spectrums. Every human has spectrums of everything. And so to be able to recognize that tidy doesn't look a certain way and Messi doesn't look a certain way, and at the end of the day all life is, is going from chaos to order, in order to chaos in our own unique way.

[00:01:22] Shilpa: Yeah, 

[00:01:22] Anna Shiina: well 

[00:01:23] Shilpa: that's, that segues perfectly into habit freedom because there is some level of freedom on that spectrum, but there's also some level of, I would say, mastery of a routine or mastery of organization. And I'd love to first hear your journey. How did you arrive at this place where you are, um, honing in on this specialty, but were you always this way?

[00:01:53] Anna Shiina: Such good questions. How I arrived here, well, I started studying human behavior [00:02:00] and uh, going to personal development seminars at a very young age, and just fascinated me, like why do I do what I do? What makes people tick? What makes some people successful and then other people not. I love reading all the books about it.

[00:02:13] Anna Shiina: My gateway drug, if I can call that, um, was um, that Law of Attraction book. The Secret, the Secret. I watched that movie like 10 times. I got a tattoo from that movie, like I was like hooked line and sinker. And so from there I've had many different teachers, uh, from Dr. John D Martini to Dr. Joe Dispenza and um.

[00:02:38] Anna Shiina: And just increased my, my body of knowledge about human behavior and mindset. So then I became a mindset coach after selling my security business about 10 years ago. And I was a mindset coach for entrepreneurs for about five, six years. And just really, again, understanding what makes people successful and doesn't, and helping people unlock all that [00:03:00] potential that they have inside.

[00:03:01] Anna Shiina: And um, and then I had the realization that at the end of the day. All of life is about relationships. And this is where I dove into human behavior as it pertains to relationships and how to improve relationships because business is also relationships. And so as like the bigger building block or the mo, more fundamental building block of mindset is actually relationships.

[00:03:27] Anna Shiina: And the next step from there, I was actually writing my book called Relating Academy. But then I realized that the first, last and longest relationship we ever have is the one with ourselves. And that's where Habit Freedom was born, because the way to create a loving, trusting, respectful relationship with ourselves is through habits.

[00:03:57] Anna Shiina: Now I have my story [00:04:00] where I struggled for over seven years with limiting habits, with alcohol conscious eating, doom scrolling for hours, and sometimes days at a time. It's so embarrassing to admit, but that that was my reality, that I was. So my dopamine was so in this machine so sucked into this like machine, right?

[00:04:19] Anna Shiina: And so I was, uh, lucky enough to be able to encounter many, many limiting habits that I had to break free from. And I said I had to because one of the beliefs that really. Got me through it maybe faster than other people, was the belief that if I don't figure this out now, I'll have to figure it out eventually, because all cycles end.

[00:04:43] Anna Shiina: The cycle is either gonna end now or soon, or it's gonna end in years, decades, or lifetimes. Right. So I was like, okay, let me apply everything that I know to breaking free of these limiting habits, setting myself free [00:05:00] from these cycles and from this enslavement and entrapment. And when I finally did. I was able to put it in the book and in the steps that I took as well.

[00:05:10] Anna Shiina: And so that's how I got here today. And then I was able to apply to clients and see that they were also, uh, they were also able to break free from their limiting habits with food and alcohol and doom scrolling and just numbing out. Um, and yeah, it's the most, it's the most rewarding thing to help people with.

[00:05:28] Shilpa: I love the fact that you tie it into relationships because that relationship can be a very difficult one. It can be a judging one, it can be di difficult in the sense of, um, it can drain our energy when we aren't aware of how to compassionately guide ourselves. And I'd love for you to share. What your compassionate approaches, because this can be challenging, even if [00:06:00] you think, oh, just one dopamine hit.

[00:06:02] Shilpa: I'll just scroll a little bit longer. But how do you break that cycle? 

[00:06:09] Anna Shiina: Hmm. Yeah. So when you talk about compassion, it takes me back, back to my Vipasana retreat, which was a huge. Uh, help in my breakthroughs is going on vipasana meditation retreats and resetting. It almost felt like a factory reset, and for those listeners who dunno what Vipasana is, it's a 10 day silence retreat.

[00:06:33] Anna Shiina: They centers us all around the world. It's free to learn. And, um, it's a, it's one of the most incredible things that I've ever done for my mental health and my physical health. And when I really felt like stuck of like, should I really feel entrapped by this? Machine, or this habit and this loop. Then my go-to was VAPA and meditating, and they talk a lot about compassion, and compassion [00:07:00] is the only way I.

[00:07:02] Anna Shiina: Through to the other side. It's not gonna be belittling myself or degrading myself or telling myself how bad I am. And, and it's always just meeting myself in the present moment and going like, okay, well it doesn't matter what's happened in the past, I can learn from it, but what am I actually going to do now in the present moment?

[00:07:20] Anna Shiina: And what am I going to, you know, how, how am I gonna create my future? From the present moment and not from the past. 'cause most people are creating the future from their past. And so to really come into that present moment where all of our love, compassion, potential power, lies, that is a skillset that really gets practiced at a, uh, meditation retreat center like.

[00:07:48] Shilpa: And for those who may not, for those who may not be aware, Ana. Right. Um, is the method or modality of meditation where you are in silence, correct? [00:08:00] 

[00:08:00] Anna Shiina: Yes. It's silence for 10 days, uh, silence and a lot of stillness. And, you know, these days, I dunno if you've heard this, where people say like, you know, walking is my meditation, or gym is my meditation, or you know, I, I go for coffee.

[00:08:13] Anna Shiina: That's my meditation and. I actually write this in my book. It's like, no, meditation is meditation. And because it's like, um, pop culture meditation, which is like the soft, um, it, it doesn't work. Just it's, it's kind of just like a, a bandaid, you know? And it's like, oh, we can, we can do it to feel good, but for meditation to really.

[00:08:37] Anna Shiina: Work. We have to create a relationship and a comfort with stillness and silence. And that that is really hard work if we're not familiar with it. Um, and uh, it would be hard to find someone who would sit with themselves for 10 full days, eight to 10 hours, 12 hours a day of [00:09:00] sitting with themselves in silence for that long each day.

[00:09:03] Anna Shiina: And not walk away with some kind of re revelation or realization or shift. You would have to work very hard to like for it not to work. 

[00:09:16] Shilpa: I absolutely agree with your point that. What is meditation? Meditation is meditation. I have had numerable conversations. Um, I take it one step further saying meditation is when you are focused on God.

[00:09:32] Shilpa: Now that God could be, um, your higher self, your true self universe. And for me, when I said meditation, stillness, and I love the fact that you mention stillness a lot because it's in that stillness that. We are able to generate or create that awareness. 

[00:09:55] Anna Shiina: And it's in. Yeah. And the world is doing so much to distract us and there's so much [00:10:00] noise at us and consume this, consume this ideology and this media and that, and, and it like, you know, to pull away from all those influencers and things that get bombarded our way is a superpower.

[00:10:15] Anna Shiina: And to take back our attention and intention away from consuming. And towards ourselves and to create that nurturing relationship with ourselves and to be able to hear and ourselves that, you know, that guidance that I call it the inner Oracle, I don't know if you've ever, ever heard, it's called this Way.

[00:10:36] Anna Shiina: So. I write about how we have the inner child and just like we can connect with the inner child and many different versions of the inner child because the past, present, and future are coexisting equally, we can connect with the inner article, which is the wiser older self. I. And, um, to create that relationship with that inner oracle and or inner child, we need both.

[00:10:59] Anna Shiina: We [00:11:00] need that stillness and that silence, like you said, we otherwise, it's just, it's too much noise and it gets confusing and we don't know if we are on our own path. We're following someone else's journey. And, um, yeah, the, the only thing that I've come across is stillness and silence to really unlock that.

[00:11:19] Shilpa: And is it from the stillness? That you are then able to, uh, create the catalyst for habits, whether they're good habits or new habits or breaking old habits. 

[00:11:35] Anna Shiina: That is one very, very powerful, like I said, factory reset, where yes, you can, like I have ditch limiting habits that way. Another way, which, um, worked for me, but I do not recommend it was hitting a rock bottom.

[00:11:52] Anna Shiina: Like I said, I don't recommend it. And I work with lots of clients that do not hit rock bottoms, so it's not necessary to hit rock [00:12:00] bottoms to change habits. What we do do with clients who haven't yet hit rock bottoms is we do an exercise that amplifies the pain of that habit as if they would hit a rock bottom, right?

[00:12:12] Anna Shiina: So we have this incredible thing called an imagination, and our imaginations can do. Amazing things for us, such as have us travel into a reality that looks like a rock bottom, so we don't actually have to get go there ourselves. Does that make sense? Absolutely. So, yeah, so instead of, instead of waiting to lose everything and hit rock bottom and hate the way you look, hate the way you feel, um, have no, no relationships that, um, that are healthy for you, whatever that rock bottom looks like, it's different for different people.

[00:12:50] Anna Shiina: Uh, for me, I just felt like stripped of. My dignity, like of everything, relationships, like I burned everything to the [00:13:00] ground and I'm so grateful for that experience. In hindsight, at the time it was very scary and very horrific. I. Um, but what's cool, like I said, using our imaginations, if you, if you think, well, maybe there is a habit that I'm not happy with and I'd like to shift it, but that pain, it's not rock bottom enough, it's not quite there.

[00:13:22] Anna Shiina: Then if you sit down and write out and amplify it, well, what is gonna look like in a year, in five years, in 10 years? Imagine you just keep with this habit that's limiting you. And you actually let yourself go there and feel that, then you don't actually have to hit that reality yourself. You can use that feeling as fuel.

[00:13:44] Anna Shiina: So for me, I. Um, a lot of people have very negative things to say about shame, right? Like, we need to heal cosmic shame and worldly shame and all of this, like, I have a different, um, maybe a slightly controversial opinion about shame is that it's a very [00:14:00] powerful tool. Obviously, once it gets stuck in a loop and we don't clear it and we don't use it as that catalyst, then it can become toxic.

[00:14:09] Anna Shiina: But for me, that feeling of. Shame and disgust kept me away from my limiting habits with alcohol specifically, and then got me on the road to eating a lot healthier and all that, because I never wanted to feel like that again. It was so strong, that feeling that I was like, 

[00:14:30] Shilpa: Ugh, 

[00:14:31] Anna Shiina: ick, yuck. You know? And I think it's such a gift that I got, got to experience that.

[00:14:39] Shilpa: It's often those moments, whether they're short or longer ones that take you into the deepest part of that shame or frustration or what those emotions that become the catalyst, it's, it's too bad that, I mean, I can speaking for myself that I can't just say, [00:15:00] oh, well, I know I need to do and then fill in the blank.

[00:15:02] Shilpa: So just go off and do it. Sometimes we have to experience the contrast. Before we want to expand again. 

[00:15:12] Anna Shiina: Yeah. Yeah. It's, uh, sometimes we do really have to experience all of that darkness before we, um. Get to experience the light. Like, um, one of the relationships I write about five relationships that are crucial for habit freedom, which is the relationship with discomfort, relationship with the light, the relationship with the now, the relationship with the self, and finally the relationship with others.

[00:15:35] Anna Shiina: And the one I wanna highlight right now is the relationship with a light. So you were talking about that contrast, right? And so one of the things that really helped me back from ever. My habit ever sticking and being sustainable. So say, I said I was gonna stop drinking or stop eating sugar for that day or that week, and then by the end of the day I hadn't stuck to my habit.

[00:15:59] Anna Shiina: It's [00:16:00] because I didn't have a night enough things that lit me up. So I ended up resolving or like the, the pain or I, I ended up. Taking the cheap dopamine that I could get out of the alcohol and the sugar because I wasn't able to get that dopamine from a grand life that I'm in love with. From connection, from nature, from music, from art, from creativity, from all these things that we can get all those yummy, like, you know, hormones from.

[00:16:33] Anna Shiina: I didn't have that, and it wasn't until I filled my life with things that I loved, fell in love with life, and really filled my life with light and lit myself up. That's when the limiting habits, it, it stuck that they weren't necessary anymore because they were like, well, there's no space. There's so much light in your life.

[00:16:56] Shilpa: Yes. I recently spoke to, um. An [00:17:00] individual, he's called the UN doctor and he talks about creativity and different modalities and creativity to help others, um, heal from what might be considered wounds or um, trauma. And sounds like a lot of what you're doing is also recognizing that that light can be sparked from so many other sources.

[00:17:23] Shilpa: And if you are introduced to that light. Then rather than saying, well, I'll stop doing, then fill in the blank whether it's some bad habit. Instead, what if I introduced more light in different forms? Yes, yes. That, that is lovely. Now, how does this, um, play into daily habits? Maybe it could be the habit of, um, creating.

[00:17:50] Shilpa: New space to become an entrepreneur or, uh, doing something that you have goals for, but it may require [00:18:00] readjustment of your habits. 

[00:18:04] Anna Shiina: Hmm. So nature involves a vacuum. So that's a good place to start. It's okay if I wanna create space for something new. What? Do I need to let go of? And that's a really difficult que it can be a really difficult question to ask because one of the biggest things that we're addicted to as human beings is our identity and the habit of being ourselves.

[00:18:34] Anna Shiina: So I borrowed that from Dr. Joda Spencer. He has a book called Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. And so it's um. Yeah. So when you first ask the question, what do I let go of, it's sound overwhelm. It can be overwhelming 'cause it's like, but all these things make me up and it's my identity and we protect our identities ferociously.

[00:18:57] Anna Shiina: So it's that [00:19:00] ability to start to detach from some of your old identity so you can create a new one. And so the most important question is, you know, what am I willing. To let go of. There's a price to pay for everything. You know, I was single for eight and a half years before meeting my partner. And you know, when you're single for that long, you, you, you're long for a companion and you want, you know, all this like stuff.

[00:19:29] Anna Shiina: And you, you know, and I, I mean, the Vipasana also really helped me connect with my partner, like with ads. Clearing my head space and every and my heart space and opening myself up so beautifully I could never have met someone. So amazing. And, um. But the point is that you realize when you get into a loving, beautiful partnership, like there's a huge price to pay for that as well.

[00:19:53] Anna Shiina: There's like, you give up, give like freedoms. You have to be more [00:20:00] vulnerable. The like, if you want that like depth of connection and you have to really like for me. Like go to school on yourself, like, you know, like really be extra, even more inquisitive and curious about your inner landscape if you wanna be a great partner.

[00:20:19] Anna Shiina: So it's like I didn't even re realize that those were gonna be the things that I would have to. The prices that I'd have to pay, I'm more than happy to pay it now that I'm, I'm there. But, you know, going back to if someone wants to be an entrepreneur, we have this fantasy, right? Just like when I wanted a partner, it's like I have this fantasy of what it will look like, but in actuality, in reality, it's like, okay, um, I do want that.

[00:20:45] Anna Shiina: And then if I'm very clear on the things I'm also willing to let go of and the price that I'm willing to pay, it makes that transition easier. 

[00:20:56] Shilpa: I agree with your analogy or the, uh, [00:21:00] description that there's a price, and I think that price calls upon us to grow. So like you were talking about vulnerability, I, I felt the same way when I met my husband.

[00:21:13] Shilpa: I had been sort of closed off for so long and just raw. Vulnerability, like that was so scary for me. And then trusting and what, what, what it meant was also trusting your heart. So how do you connect your heart as a way to helping you shift your habits?

[00:21:41] Anna Shiina: It, you know, our hearts are such an important part of this equation. Um. And for me, it's again that stillness and silence. [00:22:00] So before I went to the last of Pasana, which really like, just transformed everything, it got me connected to my partner. Um, so I just met him after I came out of a Pasana just a couple weeks later.

[00:22:12] Anna Shiina: And, uh, also like my habits really like my, all my healthy habits really stuck after that and everything. And. I remember going with the intention of letting love in. I remember asking my mom just before leaving for, for persona, I said, mom, um, do you feel loved? And she looked at me. She didn't quite understand the question, and I, and I elaborate.

[00:22:38] Anna Shiina: I said, I know that I'm loved. I can, I understand that I'm loved. I look around and I have friends that love me, family that loves me. Of course, I'm loved. I understand it in my head intellectually. But I don't know. I, if I can feel it, like I'm not, I feel disconnected from that feeling. And I had no idea how [00:23:00] much that was limiting me because when I was soothing with my limiting habits, the doom scrolling and the eating sugar, once the alcohol was gone, because I wasn't numbing with alcohol anymore.

[00:23:11] Anna Shiina: But now I was numbing with sugar and doom scrolling, which made me feel horrible about myself. But what I was soothing is that disconnection from feeling loved. And so in that 10 day retreat. I had the most beautiful heart opening meditation that blew me away. All of a sudden I traveled into my mother's womb and I felt wanted and desired by creation itself.

[00:23:42] Anna Shiina: Like I just like. It was such a moment of awe that I'll probably never forget. Like I just like by creation itself, like loved by myself, by my parents, but everyone was like, wow. And from that moment, I really think [00:24:00] that's what let that lighten. Because before that I felt there was like a lot of density and I was numbing this density with these limiting habits, and by feeling loved, truly connected to love, finally, finally relaxed.

[00:24:21] Anna Shiina: All those limitations I had put on myself. 

[00:24:25] Shilpa: I love that metaphor. We got goosebumps when you were describing it. That is a freedom in itself because if that realization that you are loved, that is so beautiful. I, I think that goes way deeper than most people have probably realize that we're talking about habits, but how do we get to love and heart and connection in silence, but they're all connected.

[00:24:52] Anna Shiina: They are connected because my limiting habits, they were the just symptoms and what they were [00:25:00] medicating was my cosmic loneliness and my disconnection from myself and from from love. And so I could try really hard. There's plenty of books out there that tell you to stack habits and start small and give you the little strategies, right?

[00:25:19] Anna Shiina: But until you feel worthy of a grand, healthy, beautiful life, those things are not gonna stick for very long, those strategies. So it really is an inside job and a beautiful journey of self. Like to self-love like that. That's what I discovered. Habit freedom to being. 

[00:25:43] Shilpa: Oh, I love that. Um.

[00:25:48] Shilpa: I approach life as like this constant inner work, but that we live in the society, at least in the western world, where it's considered like that thing you do [00:26:00] separately when you journal. That's the inner work. But what if your whole life is about constantly striving for awareness and recognizing that this is an ongoing journey.

[00:26:16] Anna Shiina: You know, tell me about it. Because even though I've been doing this work for decades and you know, working with my inner child and figuring out like where's she triggered and how does she run my habits and my relationships and all my patterns, even though I've been doing for decades, just today in therapy, I had this massive breakthrough with like a new inner child scenario.

[00:26:41] Anna Shiina: That it just, it just blows me away that the school is never out. That's why I absolutely love what we do at the Relating Academy because it, you are never finished learning about the relationship with yourself, the relationship with others, and it's a, it's a life. Long [00:27:00] and it's so beautiful when we embrace that as like, it's another opportunity to go deeper or wider or, you know, learn something.

[00:27:08] Anna Shiina: Um, so I, I totally, totally agree with you. 

[00:27:12] Shilpa: Yes. That alone could be a whole new episode because it's an, it's an ongoing thing. I just, when you think you've reached some place of realization, um, I did some, what, what do they call the shadow work. Not so long. Mm-hmm. And recognizing that some of my greatest strengths are also the reasons I, I sometimes suffer because they're the certain habits, um, again, goes back to habits.

[00:27:39] Shilpa: So like, um, uh, maybe I'm a habit, like I tend to get into overdrive super focused, but that's super focus can also be a difficult habit. 

[00:27:50] Anna Shiina: I work with lots of entrepreneurs who come to me and say like, I don't have any bad habits. I'm like, okay, how many hours are you working per week? A hundred million. Okay.

[00:27:59] Anna Shiina: You know, [00:28:00] what are you numbing exactly with working that many hours? Because at the end of the day, we need that. Depending on where in life and business you are, balance isn't gonna happen everywhere. But to lead a healthy, long life, we need to focus on health and relationships and wealth. And so if someone's entire focus is on wealth or creat or like building things and just working, then there is an imbalance and there will be consequences, health wise, relationship wise.

[00:28:30] Shilpa: Yes. Yes. And to bring that balance, um. When you coach or how you approach people, it sounds like you may need to first, uh, uh, recognize what phase that they're in. They might be in more than one at different times. Mm-hmm. But they are, um, in a certain age, then they might have a certain stage in their life as well.

[00:28:54] Shilpa: How do you guide someone who, um, is aware that they [00:29:00] know they need to. Shift habits. Maybe they've experimented with strategies like habit stacking, but what, um, modalities or what approach, I mean, I, you've heard you, you've talked about silence, but what other things would you recommend? It 

[00:29:21] Anna Shiina: also really, um, surprises me how quickly.

[00:29:26] Anna Shiina: Things shift when we work on inner child things and there's usually a bit of resistance. No, not usually. Sometimes it depends who I'm working with. Uh, but there can be some resistance. They like, oh, you know, has nothing to do with my childhood. But when we really like, get to the nitty gritty, it's like, okay, where did you learn to feel, um, for example.

[00:29:47] Anna Shiina: I have a client recently and we worked with the feeling of disappointment. No matter what he did, he was always disappointed. His team did this, disappointed, his assistant did that, disappointed the client did that, disappointed like [00:30:00] every, he was just disappointed. And so we learn. We went back to his childhood and discovered like, well, where did you first learn to feel disappointed?

[00:30:08] Anna Shiina: Because that imprint of disappointment, you are creating it in every area of your life. You know, and so when we unlocked that and he realized that it did come from when he was a young child, and um. Some of his needs weren't met and he kept feeling disappointed. And that that emotional imprint, we get addicted to that emotional imprint of disappointment, and then we look for it and we create it.

[00:30:33] Anna Shiina: So when someone else would look at the same scenario, scenario and feel nothing or excited, this person has that blueprint, that imprint of disappointment. So projects it into the world and creates it both ways. And so. The, the inner child work is the fastest thing, uh, that, that gets people to their breakthroughs.

[00:30:57] Shilpa: Yeah. And then with the inner child work [00:31:00] that, um, plays into also, I. I think not only the habits, but how we treat ourselves. Like you were going back to self-love. Um, yeah, I, I was raised in a very, um, punitive, authoritative culture. Um, somewhat, maybe others would disagree, but being Indian, there's just a lot of, um.

[00:31:25] Shilpa: I think self-judgment constantly was almost like being a, I used to joke, it's like being a Catholic only. I'm Hindu and confessing because I always feel guilty for everything. But that, yeah. Um, is the kind of work that I'm still working on and it's having to shift that mindset. But it feels like it's deeper than just the mind, but it's a mindset, right.

[00:31:49] Shilpa: Of recognizing, um. That I, I shame myself. I judge myself constantly and that is affecting my habits. [00:32:00] 

[00:32:00] Anna Shiina: Totally. It is much deeper, the mindset. It's that script. It's a programming that, you know, the mindset is just like the, the surface level step. And you can't just tell yourself, just think differently. Don't think those thoughts, uh, that doesn't, that doesn't work.

[00:32:14] Anna Shiina: It's really when. You start to, um, reparent that in a child and give her or him all the things that you needed at the time, but didn't get at the time. And, you know, at one stage. I really questioned, I was like, does any of this healing stuff work? Like I, I don't know if you've ever questioned, like had that question in your head, because like, I've done so much work and so many different modalities and this and this and this and this, and once they just say, am I getting better?

[00:32:46] Anna Shiina: This is working. And the thing is it definitely does work and it definitely is working. But um, to recognize that. This wound, like your guilt wound for example, [00:33:00] could just be the curriculum that you sign up for for the whole lifetime. It's just one of those curriculums and so we can get better and better at them and we do get better and better at them.

[00:33:13] Anna Shiina: And, um, how exciting that we get to go to ever greater depths on this one topic sometimes. 

[00:33:23] Shilpa: Yeah, that goes even deeper because I, I believe in reincarnation. I believe we live multiple lifetimes and there are key lessons for everything, I believe. Um, but gosh, that's frustrating because I'd like to check that one off instead.

[00:33:40] Shilpa: I'm done. 

[00:33:42] Anna Shiina: Well, the thing is that that's where a lot of the suffering comes from because you're looking for an end point and you're not being present with what is. Mm. Because as soon as you do get present with what is and love it, the way these things do come to an end is we [00:34:00] love them to death. When we fall in love with our journey, it doesn't, then it starts to loosen script.

[00:34:11] Shilpa: Yeah. You know, lately I've been using this one, a mantra. I use a quite a few, but one is, um. The magic is in the present moment. Mm-hmm. And I remind myself that when I am getting too in my head, too stuck in a loop or overwhelmed by, um, anything including the shifts that I like to see in habits so that I can see that I'm improving.

[00:34:39] Shilpa: But when I then breathe into that present moment, I feel a sense of peace. I, I'd like for you to elaborate on that being more present. 'cause I, I think that has a huge significance on habit shifting. 

[00:34:56] Anna Shiina: Massive. The relationship with the now is one [00:35:00] of the five relationships that I outlined and that piece and connection that we are craving, that fe sense of home, if you will.

[00:35:14] Anna Shiina: It can only exist in the present moment. Being in the present moment is a skillset I learned to escape the present moment. When I was very young, I lived in a household that had a lot of conflict. So when I was very young, I learned that the present moment was not safe and it was not enjoyable. So my first kind of like addiction or escape was academia.

[00:35:40] Anna Shiina: I would just, you know, hide in books and just get good at at getting grades and get accolades for that. And so it looked. Pretty on the outside. Uh, but on the inside it was, it was the same thing. It was numbing and only as an adult through things like meditation and a lot of [00:36:00] work, I've had to recognize that the magic really is in the present moment, and all of this escaping and numbing that's taking me away from the present moment is a false prophet.

[00:36:14] Anna Shiina: It just sells me that it's at the end of, it's at the bottom of this bottle, or it's at the end of this project that I'm going to feel that peace and that connection and that, that, that happiness. But it's always, the good news is that it's always available to us because we always have the power. Just stay still and just notice the present moments.

[00:36:39] Anna Shiina: And the more we do that, the more we practice that the get, the better we get at that. 

[00:36:45] Shilpa: And that ties really well back to, um, just the, the nature of habits. I feel like we live in this world where everything is associated with time. But by being present [00:37:00] and being in the now, um, I. It's, uh, I'm interpreting that as your habits don't need to be, um, boxed into a linear time.

[00:37:15] Anna Shiina: No, they don't. I mean, sometimes they, they, that can be helpful, right? It can be useful to have structure. I know that these habits happen at this time, these days of week. Uh, but it's, yeah, it's not nec necessary. 

[00:37:33] Shilpa: I guess what I was also thinking is that, you know, there are some habits, like I do the bookend morning and evening meditation or some other habits that keep like a my tea in in early part of the morning.

[00:37:46] Shilpa: But then there's so those little micro habits that, you know, you need to shift, um, that requires so much. Effort. Um, it's almost like an, a symphony of different instruments are, are, are at [00:38:00] work because your mind will play a certain dialogue. Your heart will tell you a certain story. How do you, how do you manage those micro habits, the little things to dealing improve your life?

[00:38:16] Anna Shiina: Uh, there's this book I really love called Slight Edge. Have you heard of it? Slight edge talks about the things that are easy to do and easy not to do are actually the most important things because they all add up. And so when you realize the how important they are and how valuable they are, you start to be more aware of them.

[00:38:39] Anna Shiina: So if it's easy to do, if it's easy not to do. How do I make that decision over and over again to do the hard thing and lean into the healthy habits or the more constructive habits, um, over and over again. So it's, it's, you know, the hack. If you wanted a hack, it would [00:39:00] be to surround yourself with other people who choose the hard habit, like who you would be embarrassed to admit.

[00:39:11] Anna Shiina: Kind of thing, you know, because their standards are so high. So when you surround yourself with people with very high standards and they do the hard thing, now they choose the hard habits. They, you know, because the more hard things you choose, the easier life gets. And so when you surround yourself with other people who embody that philosophy as well, then you don't have a choice in essence, but to.

[00:39:39] Anna Shiina: Hold yourself accountable to that, that level by ourselves. And, and this is the problem with all of our, uh, very siloed existences. We are, we are, we. It's so easy to hide. Like I remember going through a mental health moment and I. I was like, I'm [00:40:00] crying so much on my own and nobody is wi here to witness it.

[00:40:04] Anna Shiina: When we were living in tribes and someone was crying or upset, like there would be a visible ripple effect on other people, and then we'd go fix it because your tears are my tears. Because we impact each other energetically. Now, we're still very much all impacting each other, but just. In our own rooms, not really connecting that way.

[00:40:24] Anna Shiina: And so that's also, that's another reason why I love teaching relationships and, you know, love the Relating Academy is because, uh, to solve this problem of these siloed existences and this cosmic loneliness that's just getting worse and worse by the day, it is how to be vulnerable with other people that you won't be abandoned and kicked out of the tribe.

[00:40:48] Anna Shiina: Um. But yeah, at the end of the day, the best way to upgrade those little habits is to surround yourself with other people who [00:41:00] also love to upgrade their little habits. 

[00:41:03] Shilpa: Yeah. Um, my guru Perma Yogananda talks about how environment is stronger than willpower. And it, I mean, as children we would often be told, you know, such and such their habits.

[00:41:19] Shilpa: Um. Are not good or such and such. Their habits are so good. Look at them. I, I agree. Because at different points when you swim through life, and if you have certain people with certain habits, it wears off on you. 

[00:41:36] Anna Shiina: Definitely. Yeah. Well, yeah. At the end of the day, so the one mantra. You can call it that, that I write about in the book is five words, which is do the hard thing now and.

[00:41:52] Anna Shiina: It is, uh, whenever I, I have to make that decision between that small habit, whether, for example, [00:42:00] right, um, you get a cup of coffee, you go to a cafe and they give you a little biscuit and it's like, do you eat the biscuit because it's just a little biscuit, or do you leave the little biscuit? And that's like a small, a small thing like, because I could eat it and it wouldn't necessarily impact the rest of my day, but I could eat it and it could throw my entire.

[00:42:20] Anna Shiina: Eating clan off, right? And so when I have that moment of decision of like, do I eat this little biscuit? And I do remember to be conscious because I'm also human, so I'm not conscious in these decisions all the time. I have moments where I'm also not thinking and I slip up and I am, you know, using food as comfort or soothing something.

[00:42:40] Anna Shiina: Then I like to take my handouts and it's five words and say, do the hard thing now. And the hard thing right now is to not eat the cookie. And then that is the way I do my best to live by. Am I gonna get it right all the time? No, but do I try to apply the 80 20 rule to that? [00:43:00] Absolutely. 

[00:43:02] Shilpa: I love that. I'm gonna apply that more often.

[00:43:05] Shilpa: I, I think I've been through different phases, like you said, we're human, so sometimes we're really good. There was a phase where I was like intensely working out, intensely eating super clean and I remember making cupcakes for my son and one of my girlfriends was over, and I wouldn't even TA taste it.

[00:43:21] Shilpa: I'm like, no. And she's like, oh my gosh. So much discipline. But then there are other moments after going after COVID where I slept and I would not do those right things. 

[00:43:36] Anna Shiina: Yeah. The, the cool thing to remember is it doesn't matter what happened in the past, all that happens is all that matters is what's happening in the present moment and what decisions am I making right now?

[00:43:48] Anna Shiina: 'cause we get so bogged down. One of the, one of the biggest like questions I get is like, oh, I've had this happen for years, or ever since I was a kid, right? And like, I, I had this client and he's [00:44:00] like, oh, I've been biting my nails ever since I was a a child. I looked at him and I said. So what do you want that to determine how the rest of your life is gonna go?

[00:44:09] Anna Shiina: Or do you wanna get present with it and make different decisions? Today? Yes, obviously with our, the way our neuro pathways are wired, older habits can be more difficult to break. But I guarantee you today is the easiest it will ever get to break that habit because tomorrow that neuro pathway. It's gonna be more ingrained if you say yes to the limiting habit today, and you continue to say yes.

[00:44:38] Anna Shiina: So the the the easiest it's ever gonna get to stop biting the nails to stop doom, scro, stop eating the sugar, stop drinking. Whatever it is that's limiting you right now is always going to be in the present moment. I've had this though, I, I feel you, where I'm like, I know this, but I'm still gonna say yes to the limiting habits.

[00:44:58] Anna Shiina: And I actually had this [00:45:00] recently. And I was like, okay, I'm still gonna say yes to this chocolate today. That next day when I knew I had to break that habit, it was so hard. And I was like, you see, it's always harder the next day always, because biologically, that's how our brains are wired with this, these neuro pathways.

[00:45:20] Anna Shiina: So you're either. Are you either making the, the neuro pathway stronger of the limiting habit or of habit freedom? So that's, that's your choice that you're making today. 

[00:45:32] Shilpa: Beautifully articulated. I know. I'll apply that immediately. And I, I really enjoyed the way you wrapped it up because it, it feels so doable by the time you're done.

[00:45:44] Shilpa: You're like, yeah, this is, it is hard to break those limiting habits, but we do have the power. 

[00:45:52] Anna Shiina: Yeah, and it's hard. Like hard. Yay. Like doesn't have to be hard. Boohoo, I realize that. [00:46:00] The, the game of life is a game of liberation, so setting ourselves free, but the only way we can set ourselves free is to be entrapped.

[00:46:08] Anna Shiina: So it's actually a feature for it to be hard. It's like, okay, it's hard. Let's celebrate that. It's hard. It's going to be hard. I'm gonna expect it to be hard. This is why I also write about. The relationship with discomfort because we really have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. The craving is gonna come, I'm going to want to say yes to the old patterns and the old me, but I am saying yes to the new me because I'm stronger than that and it is supposed to be hard.

[00:46:34] Anna Shiina: That is how evolution works. 

[00:46:38] Shilpa: And the good news is that scientifically, which I just love, the science behind it, is that each shift, each micro effort. Is creating new neural pathways. 

[00:46:51] Anna Shiina: Yes, exactly. And then once that new neural pathway gets more and more enforced and reinforced, then it becomes [00:47:00] easier and easier.

[00:47:01] Anna Shiina: There is that initial where it's hard and then that new habit becomes easier and easier. Just like you said, I also really love backing everything that I, that I teach with science. 

[00:47:12] Shilpa: I just love this, Anna. This is so powerful. Um, and you know, when we each enter different phases in life, whether it's the New Years or uh, mid-year, we each, all of us, at least for myself, we go through the desire.

[00:47:29] Shilpa: Can I make the shifts that I need to make in life? So I, I believe your book and your wisdom and everything you shared will be of value and I hope we can come back 'cause I, this is something that we need throughout different parts of our lives. 

[00:47:45] Anna Shiina: I'd love to, it is an absolute pleasure and honor to be chatting with you.

[00:47:51] Shilpa: Well, enjoy your summer. I truly enjoyed your conversation in summer where you live. Ca, Cape Town. Correct. Cape Town. 

[00:47:59] Anna Shiina: Yes. [00:48:00] Yes. All my clients are in the us. I've been operating out of the US for about 10 years and I was nomadic for many years, but now home is beautiful. Cape Town. Yes. 

[00:48:09] Shilpa: Wonderful. Well, um, thank you so much for being my guest.

[00:48:12] Shilpa: I really enjoyed your conversation. 

[00:48:16] Anna Shiina: Thank you for having me. 

[00:48:17] Shilpa: My pleasure.